Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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