I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
