I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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