He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
