and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
