I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
COCAINE IS GR8
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
