do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
