Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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