Redeem this text for a blowjob
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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