i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
