are you still at the devil's house?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
