He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
