At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
