I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
