Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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