I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
