Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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