There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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