Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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