Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
