youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
