Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize