it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
