I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
