Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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