Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
