and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
the raccoons are back...
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