So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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