Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
