This is not my ceiling
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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