ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize