i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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