i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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