Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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