3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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