If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
