I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
