Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize