Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
