We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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