No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
