I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize