I will die if light touches me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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