Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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