dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
