Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
