I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
