I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
