i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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