Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
