how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
