I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
