i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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