i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
