I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize