He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
