and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
