i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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