This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
