Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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