Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
