did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
