she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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