Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
