and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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