Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All I want is dick and wine.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
