Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
