I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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