so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
areolas are like halos for boobs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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