so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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