imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
