I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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