If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
