I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
