I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
