What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
