the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
