She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
