i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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