like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
