Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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