Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My pussy is not your playground.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My dick has a subreddit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
