I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
