His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
