so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
