I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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