I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
