Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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