I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
