My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
