Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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