Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The uberlube is also flammable
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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